Mystery Poke Theater 2000
by Link
Summary: Don'tcha just HATE the Pokemon TV show? Cuz I sure do! what's that? you like the show? ....... uh..... READ AND REVIEW! yup, changed the title. PG-13 for some language and some semi-inaproppiate stuff.
1. Enter the PokeMon!

The PokeMon T

The PokeMon T.V. Show

I don't own Pokemon, any of the celebs mentioned (but I wish I did. Naw, just kidding) or anything like that, so don't sue me.

Ok, before I start, I just wana say that I have nothing against Pokemon. I like the classic red and blue a lot. It's the T.V. show I'm dissin here, so no fireballs or nutin. Oh yeah, this is a true story.

Link: (me Link, not Link Link.) There's nutin on TV! This sucks. 

Goes to channel 2, the TV guide station.

Link: Ben Stien. No. Oprah. Nooooooo. Hey, baseball!

Flips to baseball station.

Link: Eeeeeeew, the Yankees!

Flips back.

Link: There is nothing on!

PokeMon is on.

Link: O.O Pokemon. I'll watch it, but ONLY TO MAKE FUN OF IT!!!

Looks around to make sure no one is looking.

Turns to the Pokemon station.

Narrator: We join our friends as they battle some guy in some statium.

Link: AGAIN?? Man, they are running raw on these ideas.

Guy Ash is facing: P*nisaur, I choose you!

Link: o.O P*nisaur?? They're running out of Pokemon ideas, too.

Ash: Bulbs-ass-is-sore (Bulbasaur), I choose you!

The screen spilts into multiple groups. One shows, Ash, another shows the other trainer, the Pokeball, Bulbasaur, Misty's pants, that guy that they're with, Togepi, Pikachu, a sweatdrop on Ash's forehead, a guy in the audience, and Marylin Manson.

Link: -V.V to they always have to do the split screen thingy? And why did Ash use his Bulbasaur on a Venesaur?

Navi: Hey!

Link: Go away.

Navi: Hey!

Link: Shaddup!

Navi: Listen!

Link:If you shut up I'll tell you who Tatl is!

Navi: O.O

Link: That's better.

Navi: .

Navi: Hey!

Link Ok, what do you want?

Navi: It's not Venasaur, it's P*nisaur!

Link: . What's the difference????

Navi: ^.^ Well, a Venisaur is a grass-type

Link catches her in a bottle.

Navi: . Ooh, not again

Other Trainer Dude (OTD): P*nisaur, use your

Link: *COUGH COUGH COUGH* 

OTD: attack!

P*nisaur: Pppp******nnnnnniiiiiiissssssaaaaaauuuuuurrrrrr!

He jumps in the air and the background behind him gets all swirly.

Announcer:And he hits Bulbasaur!

Link: No sh*t, Sherlock.

Bulbasaur is lying on the ground.

Split screen Bulbasaur, P*nisaur, Ash, OTD, Link, Cidny Crawford.

Link: Hey, why am I in there?

Navi: I don't know!

Link: I wasn't asking you!

Navi: But

Link: Don't make me use the Goron Mask! Remember what happened last time I did that?

Navi: Oh, yes, I still have that scar.

Link: Gooooooood.

Misty: I hope Bulbasaur is ok.

Other guy (Is he Tracy? I thought Tracey was a girls name.):Yeah. Me too.

Togepi: Breeeee.

Ash: Come on, Bulbie, get up!

Bulbasaur: What did you call me?

Ash: Er.nothing!!!

Bulbasaur: Goooooood.

Link: Hey, that's my line!

Ash: Bulbasaur, use your growl attack!

Bulbasaur: Uh growl.

P*nisaur flies backwards and is knocked out.

OTD: O.O My P*nisaur! Return to your Pokeball!

Link: *cracks up* Heeey, a growl can't kill a Pokemon!

Neebs: Proves how inaccurate the show is.

Link: Touche`. BTW, when did you get here?

Neebs: Did you just say BTW? Dude, you only use that in chat rooms.

Link: Doooohh! I knew I should have spent 15 ours on AOL!

Neebs: o.O Anyhoo, I just came to party.

Link: Coo.

Neebs: o.O Coo?

Link:. Just keep watching

OTD: MikaYakson, I choose you!

He throws a Pokeball and out pops a MikaYakson.

Link: Michael Jackson?

Navi: Noo

Link starts making Goron noises.

Navi: Ok, ok, ok

Ash: Bulbie

Bulbasaur gives him a look.

Ash: BULBASAUR! Use your razor leaf attack.

Bulbasaur jumps up and the screen behind him gets all swirly.

BAM! MikaYakson gets hit.

Announcer: And what a shot!

MikaYakson: OW!

Split screen with Mika, Bulbie

Bulbasaur: Bulbasaur!

Bulbasaur, Ash, OTD, and Faith Hill.

Neebs: No comment.

MikaYakson: I am OKAY!

OTD: That's nice. Judo chop!

Mika gets up. Screen swirels.

Mika: Hoooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Hits. Split. Bulbasaur, Mika, OTD, Ash, and Christina Agulara.

Misty: I hope Bulbasaur's ok

Tracy: Me too.

Togepi: Breeee.

Link: -.- I'm beginning to notice a pattern.

Neebs: Gee.

Lizard Man: WAZUUUUUUUPP!

Link: You're here, too?

Lizard Man: Yeah, I came to party!

Link: . Ok, what's up with this party?

Neebs: Sit down, we're watching watching Pokemon.

Lizard Man: But I wana play Goldeneye!

Link: No, you'll whoop our tails. And BT By the way

Neebs: *Snigger*

Link: Did you bring Harvest Moon to give back to me?

Lizard Man: Noo

Link: . Arghhh.

Lizard Man: You never told me to!

Neebs: Common Sense!

Ash: Bubasaur, return! I choose you

He chucks a pokeball.

Ash: Squirtle!

The camera swivels around the seen, while Squirtle and MikaYakson stand there, unmoving.

OTD: MikaYakson, use your really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really high note move!

MikaYakson jumps up in the air. Swirly. He takes a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig breath.

Mika: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The windows shatter. Everyone in the statium falls down. Link, Neebs, and Lizard Man all shudder.

Mika: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Split screen. Mika, Squirtle, OTD, Ash, LeAnn Rhymes.

Misty: I hope Squirtle's ok.

Tracy: What??? I can't hear you.

Togepi: Breeeee.

Lizard Man: Whoa, that WAS really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really high!

Link: I didn't even know my TV was capable of that!

Neebs: Hey, it's a big screen

Ash: Squirtle!!!

Ash gets very emotional.

Link: *drip*

Neebs: WILL YOU QUIT MAKING THAT NOISE WITH YOUR MOUTH!!!

Link: It's not my mouth; it's my finger. *drip*

Neebs tries to do it but he can't.

Ash: Squirtle

Lizard Man: He sounds constupaded.

Link: Probably is.

Ash is back in action.

Ash: Charizard, I choose you!

Neebs:Why didn't he send out his Carizard in the first place? It's his best Pokemon!

Link: V.V Cuz he's an idiot.

OTD: MikaYakson, use your really really ect. high note!

Crowd: Boooo!!

OTD: What?

A guy comes up and whispers in OTD's ear.

OTD: I'm not allowed to use the same attack twice? Why not?

Guy: It's just not dramatic that was!

Tracy: What a newbie.

Link: Haha, it IS newbie, NOT newb.

Neebs: .

OTD: OK, ok, use your head butt!

Lizard Man: Teehee he said butt!

Neebs and Link look at him.

MikaYakson jumps up. You know the drill.

Ash: Charizard, use your flamethrower attack.

Charizard also jumps up. Swirly.

Charizard attacks first. Mika is barbequed, and falls to the ground. SPLIT. Mika, Chary

Charizard: Charizard!

Charizard, OTD, Ash, Link, Neebs, Lizard Man, Drew Barrymore.

MikaYakson: Extra Crispy!

OTD: Mikayakson, return!

He returns.

OTD: Batman, I choose you!

Neebs: Well, it IS the same TV station.

Batman: Martini. On the rocks. Shaken, not stirred.

Ash: Charizard, use your firespin attack!

(annoyed Tom Hanks voice.) Charizard jumps. The screen get swirly. He attacks. Batman dies.

Link: Because he's a looser!

Tom Hanks: Don't interuppt me! The split screen. Charizard. Batman. OTD. Ash. Britney Spears. OTD returns Batman. Is that all?

Link: Yep, your done.

Tom: Wo-hoo!

He runs away.

OTD: Allright, I got three Pokemon left.

Ash: Me, too!

OTD: No, you have 4.

Ash: *brakes down in tears* NO I DON'T! I HAVE THREE! I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! ALWAAAAAAYS!

OTD: Okaaaaaay. Do it, Anomn!

Ash: Don't you have ANY real Pokemon?

OTD: Uhhhhhnope.

Lizard Man: What's Anomon?

Link: Digimon.

Neebs: You watch Digimon?

Link: . Uh.no! Nope, not me! A-heh-heh

Neebs: o.O

Anoman: AAAAANNNNOOOOOMMMMMOOOOONNNN!!!

Neebs: I thought Digimon could talk.

Lizard Man and Link look at him.

Neebs: Uh, I mean, I don't KNOW, but, uh

Navi: The reason Anomon can't talk is because too many of OTD's OTHER PokeMon can!

Link: I didn't want to do this, but

Link: Rrrrghhh rrrrrggggghhhh AUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Navi: No, no! Please, no! NO! NOOOOOOO!

The following scene has been edited out I want this story to at least be PG-13.

Ash: Charizard, use fly!

Charizard flew. Anomon, like all Digimon, became scared and couldn't attack. I mean, I don't know this, but

Swirl attack. SPLIT SCREEN AGAIN! The usual peps andI'm running out of ideas! UhLeslie Carter! Ooh, what a b*tch

OTD: Anomon! Digivolve! Now!

Anomon digivolve into uh Bonomon?? See, I don't watch the show.

OTD: Anomon, use some Digimon attack that I don't know because the author never watches Digimon!

Oy vey. You know the drill, do it yourself. And the teen star isoh, fudgeReese Witherspoon!

Misty: I hope Charizard it ok

Tracy: me, too.

Narrator: Is Charizard ok? Does OTD have a Pokemon? Will Ash ever use Pikachu? Will my computer enot let me add anymore swirly screens? Will I run out of female stars? Will Lizard Man ever give Link back Harvest Moon? Will anyone ever admit they watch Digimon? Find out and join our heros next time on The PokeMon T.V. Show!


	2. Pokemon Returns!

The PokeMon TV show

The PokeMon TV show!

Chaptah 2! Now quit this jibba jabba and get on wit da story!

Ok, Lizard Man now has 4 names to confuse you:

Lizard Man

Nick T Popo

Poop on a Pole

Sh*t on a Stick.

MWA HA HA!!! NOW TOTAL CONFUSION! And in case yall were wundrin, Neebs and Nick T Popo are my homys. Now, on wit da story!!

*This is the commercial brake*

He's Jakie Chan! He fights enimies, monsters, saves women, save pottery, dodges arrows, and talks with his uncle! Watch Jakie Chan: The seiries on Kid's WB!

Link: There's a Jakie Chan TV show, too?

Neebs: On Kids Dubya Bee, they have every show. Same with fox kids.

Lizardman: This station sucks.

Link: Few words, large wisdom.

They also see a Men in Black the seiries commercial, Ghostbuster the series, Jumanji the series, Spaceballs series, Diablo the series (sweeeeeeeet) Rat Race series,Weird Al series

Neebs: What DON'T they have?

Link and Nick T Popo (glumly): Porn

Playboy the series!

All 3: Wo-hoo!

*back to the show*

Narrator: When we last joined our friends uh I forget what happened. AUTHOR!!

Yeah, yeah, I vagely remember lemme check, just a second. Ohhh right Charizard just got hit by an Anomon is he ok??

Link: Oh dear, the suspense is killing me -.-

Ash: Charizard!!

Charizard, in fear of Ash getting emotional, immediately gets back up.

Ash: Charizard! You did it! I knew you could!

Ash runs up to give Charizard a biiiiiiiiiiiiig hug, but Charizard isn't like that, so he flies away.

Ash: Ok, Charizard, give him a fly attack!

Charizard is reluctant.

Ash: Oh, no, he's not listening to me

Link: *Drip*

Ash: C'mon, Chary!

Charizard: Now I'm REALLY not gonna listen to you! :P

Link: HahahhahahaNO.

Neebs: That wasn't even remotly funny.

OTD: Anomon! Blast him with another one of your Digimon moves!

Link: No, you idiot, Charizard is flying! You can't hit him!

Anomon jumps up and the screen gets swirly. Anomon uses swift.

Link: . o.o

Announcer: Charizard is hit! He falls from the sky, up really really high. Hey, that rymes! ^.^

Link: Oy vay.

Split screen. Anomon, Charizard, Ash, OTD, and Sara Michelle Gellar.

Charizard falls. He has fainted.

Link: In MY game, they die!

Poop on a Pole: Mine, too!

Neebs: You don't have a game.

Sh*t on a stick: I know, but I play Starcraft a lot! ^.^

Link: V.V

Misty: I hope Charizard's ok

Tracy: me, too.

Togepi: Breeee.

Ash: Charizard! Return! I choose you, Lapras!

He throws a Pokeball. Out pops a Lapras, who is compltley defensless on land, so he flops around like a fish.

Ash: well, that didn't work. Lapras, return! I choose you, Tarous!

OTD: Wait, now you have 2 left, and I have 3.

Ash: Wow, that's really ironic!

Misty: Ash, that's not what ironic means.

Ash: tarous, use your stomp attack!

Do I really need to explain?

Tarous' attack connects, and Anomon is sent flying.

Lizard Man: That's gotta hurt.

Split. Anomon, Tarous, Ash, OTD, and Sara Jessica Parker.

OTD: Anomon! Return! Ameoba! I choose you!

He throws a Pokeball and out pops a microscopic Ameoba.

Ash: HeyI can't see that Pokemon!

Neebs: What an idiot

Ash: Tauros! Use your Horny Attack!

Link: Horn attack! HORN ATTACK! He can never get that right.

Tauros jumps and swirly stuff happens. Apperently, Horny Attack is a real attack they added into Gold and Silver. So Tauros get Horny, but, since the Ameoba is microscopic, he misses.

Link: He misses? What does he miss WITH?

Nick T Popo: I don't really want to know

OTD: Ameoba! Use your minimize attack!

Neebs: Uh-oh

Ameoba jumps up swirls, but he gets so small that he dissapears.

Split screen!!! OTD, Ash, Tauros, some Tauros crap, a cloud, and Cher (ugh).

OTD: Ameobareturn??

Nothing happens.

OTD: Oh well. Here's my final Pokemon!

Poop on a pole: $20.00 says it's a protoss carrier.

Link: No way, man, it's a Canadian goose, eh!

Neebs: Two words: Mr. T.

OTD: Mr. T!

Of course Neebs wins because he got 39% on that Science test that none of us knew the answers to.

Ash: Use yo stinkah-poo attack!!

Jump and swirl. Mr T. is strong against that because he's strong period. The only thing that happens is a split screen. Mr T, Tauros, Ash, OTD, and Baby Spice.

OTD: Chaaaaaaaaarge!

Ash: Chaaaaaaaaaarge! 

They both jump with the swirly screen. They then charge at each other.

Link, Neebs, and Sh*t on a stick: Mister T! Mister T! Mister T!

BAM! They collide, and Tauros fall over. Split screen agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Usual and Gwen Stefani.

Link: It's like that Mountian Dew ad.

Mr T.: I pity that fool! Now quit this jibba jabba and bring on the next Pokemon! .

Ash: Only one Pokemon left. I choose you, Pikachu!

Ash: Pikachu?

Ash spot Pikachu sitting in a bar with all the split screen cameos I've mentioned.

Ash: Pikachu! Get over here!

Pikachu hops down off the stool and walks towards Ash while swaying, and bumps into a wall and falls over.

Ash: Pikachu! Not again!

Pikachu: hiccup!

Ash runs over, pick up the yellow b*tch, and throws him into the ring. When he sees Mr. T, he immediately jumps up and becomes undrunk again.

Lizard Man: Aw, man! I wanted to see drunk Pikachu fight.

Link: No problemo, just rent Conker's Bad Fur Day. It's not Pikachu, but it's a SQURIELL!

Ash: Pi-ka-chu! Thun-der-shock!

Neebs: Does he ALWAYS have to talk in syllables when he says that phrase?

Link: Yes V.V

swirly... there is a huge zap of Thunder as Mr. T is shocked. Split with Pikachu, Mr. T, Ash, OTD, and Pink.

Tracy: I hope Mr. T is ok

Misty glares at him.

Tracy: Uh, I mean, I don't, I don't

Then

A giant shadow cast upon the stadium.

Link: Oh, man, not again!

Jessie: To protect the world from devestation

James: To unite all people within our nation.

Ash: Team Rocket!

Neebs: Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn.

Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love

James: To extend our reaches to the stars above.

Jessie: Jessie!

James: James!

Jessie: Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!

James: Surrender now or prepare to fight.

Meowth: Meoth! That's riiiiiight!

A/N: whoa, I can't believe I have that memorized!

Lizard Man: Hey, that theme song is cool!

Neebs and Link look at him.

Nick T Popo: What?

Ash: He's just a friggin' normal Pikachu!

Meowth: Good for you. Let's do it guys!

James: A three way with a cat Pokemon?? O.O

Jessie Smacks him.

Jessie: No, you idiot! Let's catch him!!

James throws down a fishing rod from the hot air meowth. Pikachu, being a stupid idiot, bit the hook, and team rocket captured him.

Jessie: We got Pikachu! We got Pikachu!

They take Pikachu and fly away.

There is a long pause. Ash shrugs.

Ash: Oh well.

OTD: I won! I won! I wonIwonIwonI woooooooon!!!!

Far off voice: Oh my God! It IS a normal Pikachu!

A black dot appears in the sky. It gets bigger and bigger and

Ash: INCOMING!!

The Pikachu falls on Mr. T and kills him.

Ash: I won!!! Yeah!!!

OTD: Ash, you are a great Pokemon trainer! You really are!

Neebs: What's he talking about? Ash should have lost!

Pikachu: Pika Pika! Pika Pikachu!

Ash: Yeah, me too! ^.^ Hahahaha!

Pikachu: Did you even know what I said?

Ash: Yeah, you said, "We did it, Ash!"

Pikachu: No, I didn't, I said you're a loser!

Ash: Me too!

Narrator: It looks like our hero make some new friends!

Link: A horny Tauros and a P*nisaur?

Narrator: Join them next time on: PokeMon! The Jhoto Leauge!

Neebs: So it's the Jhoto Leauge now, eh?

Nick T Popo: So what's on next?

Link: Batman Beyond!

To be continued (not literally)

Welllllll? What did you thiiiiiiiiiink? Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze R&Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!


End file.
